Buzz Dakota follow-up interview
Tuesday, January 22, 2013 - 10:30 a.m.
Local eccentric Buzz Dakota was at the Yoknapatawpha County Convention Center the morning Jared Plunk was stabbed to death. Detectives Murphy and Parker re-interviewed him at the Yoknapatawpha County Sheriff's Department to try to get more details about what he saw that day. The interview was recorded with the witness's knowledge and consent.
- Detective S. Murphy
- Detective E. Parker
- Buzz Dakota
Detective Murphy: Thank you for coming in to talk to us again, Buzz. You know we wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important.
Buzz Dakota: I want to help, but I don't know how I can help. I don't know anything.
Detective Murphy: Now, you know that's not true, Buzz. We're really counting on your expertise. You're not going to let us down, are you?
Buzz Dakota: Oh. Oh! No, no, I won't let you down. I'm a good citizen.
Detective Murphy: That's good to hear. To get us started, why don't you tell us your name and address?
Buzz Dakota: Buzz Dakota. 111 Price Hill Road. My daughter lives there too.
Detective Murphy: So, Buzz, we need your help with the Elvis clones you were telling us about. Remember them?
Buzz Dakota: I remember them. The aliens made them. They were everywhere. Everywhere! And then they were gone. Poof! Gone.
Detective Parker: I know you said they're clones, but do they all look exactly alike?
Buzz Dakota: That's the point. That's why they made clones. So we can't tell them from us.
Detective Parker: How do the aliens tell them apart?
Buzz Dakota: Little things. Little things. They can see more than we do.
Detective Murphy: But you can see some of what they do, can't you? That's how you know about them and warn the rest of us.
Buzz Dakota: Shh. They can't know. If they find out, they'll make me into one of their clones. I don't want to be Elvis.
Detective Parker: It'll just be our secret. We promise. If you can help us find the right Elvis clone, maybe the aliens will back off.
Buzz Dakota: Maybe. Maybe. But not if they find out. If they find out, they'll get all of us. Not just me. They'll get you too.
Detective Murphy: In that case, we better get them before they get us.
Buzz Dakota: Yes, yes. We need a plan.
Detective Parker: That's a good idea. Here's how we'll start. Think about those clones you saw at the Elvis conference. Remember them? You said one of them turned into a woman.
Buzz Dakota: I'm scared of that one. It's not right changing from a man into a woman like that. And fire! Her head was on fire!
Detective Parker: There was fire? You didn't mention that before.
Buzz Dakota: Yes, fire. I told you. Her head was on fire. The bowl was on fire. So much fire that day. The aliens were trying to purge us, but I didn't let them.
Detective Murphy: What bowl was on fire?
Buzz Dakota: The one with the reflection. The Elvis clone started the fire with his lasers. I had my hat on, so he didn't see me. But I saw him. He made fire.
Detective Murphy: I'm sorry, Buzz, but I'm confused. The Elvis clone who started the fire–
Buzz Dakota: With lasers!
Detective Murphy: Yes, with lasers. Was that the clone that turned into a woman or a different one?
Buzz Dakota: No, no, no. The shiny, spotted clone started the fire. The other one's head was on fire. But he probably started that fire too. They must have been enemies.
Detective Parker: You said this fire-starting clone was shiny and spotted. What does that mean?
Buzz Dakota: He was shiny and spotted. What else could it mean?
Detective Parker: Spotted how?
Buzz Dakota: Spotted with spots. Aren't you listening?
Detective Parker: Big spots? Little spots? Polka dots?
Buzz Dakota: Big spots and little spots. I didn't see any polka dots. Have you seen aliens with polka dots?
Detective Parker: What color were the spots?
Buzz Dakota: Spot-colored. What else?
Detective Murphy: Buzz, look at this photo. Have you ever seen this lady? Her name is Yvonne.
Buzz Dakota: I saw her! I tried to tell her she needed to get rid of all those Elvis clones before something terrible happened, but she didn't listen to me. She ran away! And look what happened. Fire and blood!
Detective Murphy: Did you see her that day you saw the shiny, spotted clone and the clone with its head on fire?
Buzz Dakota: No one can see her. She sneaks. She hides. She's there, and then she's gone. Don't trust her. I think she's with them.
Detective Parker: You saw her sneaking and hiding that day?
Buzz Dakota: Every day. No day. It's all the same day.
Detective Murphy: Have you been taking your medication, Buzz? You seem–
Buzz Dakota: I take my vitamins every morning, same as everyone else.
Detective Murphy:: Right. You said there was fire and blood because this lady didn't listen to you, and you told us about the fire you saw. Did you see blood too?
Buzz Dakota: With the Plunk man. I already told you about him.
Detective Murphy: You saw blood and Jared Plunk – the man in this photo right here – together?
Buzz Dakota: You saw him too, the man and his blood. The aliens got him.
Detective Parker: Did you see how the aliens got him?
Buzz Dakota: They don't let us see that. They come and they go. Sometimes they make clones. Sometimes they make blood. That's why we have to hide. I forgot!
Detective Parker: What did you forget?
Buzz Dakota: I brought these for you. You should wear them so the aliens don't get you. I don't want the aliens to get you.
Detective Murphy: Thank you, Buzz. The department doesn't issue us tinfoil hats, so we appreciate you thinking of us.
Detective Parker: Thanks for coming in to help us again. We'll let you know if we need anything else.
Interview ends - 10:54 a.m.