David Sage Woolworth
Weight: 205 lbs.
- Professor David Woolworth was born in Wilmington,
Delaware, on June 14, 1961. At a young age he showed a
precocious ability to deal with complex abstractions.
- Attending high school at Thomas McKean High, and
having a keen interest in physics and computers, he
earned a scholarship to the University of Texas in 1979.
At UT he studied under John Wheeler(coined the term
"black hole" and worked with Enrico Fermi in the '40's
and '50's), and did important work on cold fusion theory.
After earning his B.S. in Physics in just three years at
the age of twenty, he attended Harvard where he gained
recognition for his work on chaos theory. In 1987, he
earned his PhD from Harvard and accepted a faculty
position at Cambridge University, England. He remained in
Cambridge until 1992,when, to the shock of his peers and
citing personal research, he took a much less dignified
position teaching mathematics at the
Mississippi, Oxford. Professor Woolworth still
currently teaches at UM.
- Professor Woolworth is single and has no family still
alive. He is an only child and his parents died in an
automobile accident when he was sixteen. He is somewhat
regarded (but still very respected) by his colleagues as
a flake due to his interest in alien cults. Reportedly he
is a consultant to the TV show the X-Files, and writes
under the pseudonym Elvirus for the zine Anti-Matters.
Professor Woolworth has published several academic and
non-academic works. These are: Ionic Compression at
Infinite Gravity (Harvard 1989), Non-logic and Paradox in
Chaos Theory (Cambridge 1991), The Center of the Edge of
the Universe (Cambridge 1992), The Intergalactic
Convergence Zone (Yoknapatawpha, 1995), and The End is
Nearer (Yoknapatawpha, 1997).