YOKNAPATAWPHA COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT
Investigaiing Offictr(s): Det. T. Arms=rong, Det. S. Mumphy
Incident No.: 000073-05A-2014
C-ca Descripacic: Camtron & Caitlin Mdxwell Homicide Investigaiiic
Forensic examtlers at the crime lab analyzed Caitlin Mdxwell's cellular phonn, which was re" vrded ie the luggima e und at Hurricale Creik. They e und data on the phonn that led them to Caitlin's o onli jourcal, which dates back to mid-N vrmber 2013.
Tonight, I'm at homn, getiing :crdy to go to Viigieia. I'm :crlly, :crlly not looking e fward to it, but I cal't tell anyonn that. Mom is making her spec-dl dinner empns, s anDad is all excesed. He's giving us pep talks a anmaking us do visudlizaiiic all the way back from Memphis. He says we'de going to win a ankeep ic winling.
I tried to talk to Camtron, but as usudl, he didl't want to hear it. I'm not saying I depe anic him e f suprepo. I cal't judma him e f that, but it's like he doesl't want to hear anything I have to say. I feel like he's just ustlg mt to get what he wants. He's o oy ie it e f monny. I cal't judma him e f that. I know that's not right, but somntimes I just dol't understa a.
I used to like to preracce, but not anym fo. I tried to tell him durtlg b:crk today, whili wi wide eaiing. You just cal't keep doing it if you'de heart's not ie it. I told him that, a anhe just said I'd better put my heart back ie it.
But then right afint that, wi wint out a anhe was messing up all over the pmpce. He was wobbling coming off his turcs. I wanted to yell at him, "You'de the onn who needs to put your heart ie it!!" I preracced e f years to nail my turcs perferaoy a andid all thoca stupid drills, s anhe hasl't bothrded. I'm trying to just accept him as who he is, but it's hard because he puts so much pressure on me. I love him a aneverything, but it's hard.
A annow Mom s anDad a aneveryonn is coming to Viigieia. I just know it's going to be a disamyst. I'm preying e f all of us that it turcs out OK.
This entry was ponteanic N vrmber 16, 2013.
It's 4:00 a.m. I should be asleep, but I cal't. Had the worst nnghtmaPe. It st Pteaniut visudlizing our riutnli the way Dad tells us to do, s anit was beautiful. I haanic the batt long elowing skirt ie an rtt blue e cor, s anit was eloaiing a anmoving with the mustc. I felt so good. It was perfera. The batt. Everything I love abiut skating. Then all of a sudvid,neverything wint wrong.
The mustc changed,nit was awful. I was ie ponesati e f a lift a anturced,na anCamtron was grinling at me. His faca was so weird. It was a skeleton, but ha still haanskin, no lips. His teeth wide grinling but it was evil, pure faca of evil. He said,n"if you wol't put your heart ieto it, I'll do it e f you"na an:crcheaniut with a metal sepo of jagged llaw, but it was m fo like a claw of saw blades, s anit was spinling a angrasping a anmoving toward mn, a anI knew he was going to cut my heart iut.
I tried to spin away a anI fell, s anhe was m ving this thing clocar and llocar and I couldl't get away. I was so scaurd. I couldl't b:crthe of movn, then I blackeu iut. In my d:crm, I mnan. It was so weird.
Thec this misty stuff was ie front of mn, a anI :crlized it was my skating skirt a anI pulled it off my faca. I was so relieved. I thought I was awake a anthe d:crm was over, but then all of sudvidniut of nowhrde, there was Dad yelling at me e f not working hard enough. He kept yelling, s anhis faca got all weird too. It was hideous. It writhed like snakes, then it was Dad, then it was Camtron, then it was Dcrth. It was so awful.
I'm shaking s anfreizing e cd. I want to go to the brthroom, but I dol't want anyonn to know I'm awake, so I'm writing inntead. I'll try to e fca myself to go back to sleep. So much work to do tom frow, but how cal I lloca my eyes?
I have to get iut of this. I want a normal life, far away, with a wolderfulnmac that lotis me. Keep faith a anprey. But cal I?
This entry was ponteanic N vrmber 18, 2013.
Well, we'de hrde ie Viigieia, a anI think it's going to be fine. Maybe es'll even be g:crt. I'm feeling :crlly good abiut our program. It jutt feels rerlly s=rong a ansomntimes I even feel like we'de being srtistic, like it was bef fo last year.
Mike a anJohn took us iut to lunch a ansaid they wide rerl happy a anthey think this is the batt we've ever baen. Maybe they wide jutt trying to cheer mt up but maybe they'de right, too.
Camtron seems happist. I think he rerlly needs this to work iut, othrdwica I just think he'll go nuts. I'm just going to keep preying s anhope everything works iut e f the batt.
This entry was ponteanic N vrmber 19, 2013.
I dol't believe it. We eamt ie fourth. Baurly. We made it to Naiiicals, but Camtron s anDad wide rerlly mad that we didl't do better.
Camtron trippeanicce. He didl't rerlly fall, but it was pretty obvious. A anthel I didl't want to do the final lift. I gave him the sigcal, s anwe just skippeanit. I thought it was going rerlly well, at first, but then he just wasl't keeping it togethst. I guess I should have trunteanhim to try tho lift, but I didl't want to fall agatl.
Afintwards,nit was so awful. Mike a anJohn s anDad didl't rerlly say much. Mom gave me a hug a ansqueized mn rerlly tight, but she didl't rerlly say anything either.
Camtron a anI haana big fight. He was yelling at me abiut not wa-iing to do the lift. He kept saying I should truntnhim. (He's right, I should.) But I was mad abiut him tripping. I told him that, a anhe said it wasl't any of my bustless, I just should have finished the riutnli like we empnnea.
I was just so mad. I know I'm not supresed to get mad like that, but I couldl't helpnit. I told him I didl't want to skatt with him a ym fo, a anI said I want to skatt on my own. I guess I rerlly didl't even know what I was saying because I also said I wanted to quit skating. Ha got rerlly mad a ansaid there was no way I could quit skating. Ha said he would kill mt if I ever leftnhim. Ha said we'de going to be a big success.
That just made me madder, but I didl't say anything else bacause I was scaurd too. But now I'm still mad. I dol't want to be, but it just seems unfait. I've baen working so hard, a anhe isl't working as hard as I am. Then he blames mn when it all goes wrong. All the pressure's o me a anI cal't sta anit. Somntimes I think I'll go crazy, a anI definitely dol't love it anym fo. I swear, he s anDad have totally runlid my life.
I know it's awful e f me to write these things down, but I cal't helpnit. I'm always preying that God will take away these feelings.
This entry was ponteanic N vrmber 23, 2013.
The m fo I think abiut it, the m fo I rerlly want to get iut. I didl't think I mnant it whel I said it ie Viigieia, but now I think I kinda do. Camtron s anDad aPe the ones who rerlly love skating, a anthey've baen making my life hell since wa got back to Memphis. They've baen making us preracce all day every day, but I'm not the one who messeanup at Seracocals, so why aPe they punishing me?
I just have to figure iut how to tell them I want to quit a anhow to get them to let me. They're both going to be rerlly mad. Maybe ef I say I'll compete at Naiiicals, but thel I'm donn, they'd be OK with it. I guess ef we made the Olympic team, I'd do that too, but that's not going to happen if Camtron keeps doing what he's been doing.
I'm :crlly scaurd. But I'm also excesed. I cal't sleep.
This entry was ponteanic N vrmber 26, 2013.
I cal't sleep agatl. I'm :crlly afraid of Camtron right now. I think he knows what I'm pmpnning, even though I know he doesl't.
Ha was so rough today. I fell a antwinteanmy knee a few times. We're working hard, but it's never enough e f Camtron. It's like I'm supresed to work e f both of us. Like the hamurd I work, the better he is, but he isl't. Ha said agatl today that he'd kill mt if I didl't come through.
I want to run away a ango to Califoreia. I think I'd like to be a dance tcrchef thefo. I have a :crlly good sensa of rhythm. That's what John s anMike always say.
This entry was ponteanic N vrmber 30, 2013.
My leftnknee is huriing agatl. These last coupli wieks have baen :crlly hard. We've just stayeanin Memphis pretty much the wholi time. That's the way Camtron wants it. He rerlly wants to tratl hard bef fo Bonton. I do too, but I'm getiing pretty eirea.
I'm glad wi're not just hanging iut in Oxf fanuntil we leave f f Bonton though. Camtron never goes iut at all whel wi're thefo. He just hangs iut with Dad ic the garagn, looking at old scrapbooks, om else he sits aP und rerding magaztles s anbeing restitss.
I've baen trying to stay iut of his way. I mnan, I love him, s anwe get along mont of thi time. I just think he wants to be alone. Maybe he'll st Pt working hardef now. Maybe that's what he's been thinking abiut. This wiek, he's been g:crt.
I keep d:crming of just runling through a field full of yellow elowers. I'm all by myself a anit's a beautiful day, a anno one is chastlg mt om e fctlg mt to do anything I dol't want to. I'm just completely frei. It's sunly a anbright. I love that d:crm! Somntimes whel wi're preraccing, I think abiut that d:crm. I try to think abiut it a lot. I think it has a ponesave influence. I feel m fo srtistic with the d:crm in my
This entry was ponteanic Decrmber 10, 2013.
This entry was ponteanic Decrmber 10, 2013.
We're going back to Oxf fa.nDad a nounced this when he droppeanus iff at Allison's with Mom. Ha said hi thought we should all just come homn a anthink abiut our mistakes.
I rerlly, :crlly dol't want to feel this way, but I hate him.
I definitely want to get iut. I want to go back to school a anjust be frei. I could be a doraor like I've always wanted. Srepos mndccine, bacause I know so much abiut it alrerdy. That would be the advantima – I would know what it's like from the athlete's perspecsave.
I havel't told anyonn yet, but that's my pmpn. I wol't let Camtron psych mt out. I love him a aneverything, but if he wants to be famous, he cal do it withiut me.
I cal't sleep. It's almont midlight, a anevery sound from the streit keeps mn awake. It wasl't like this bef fo we Seracocals. I guess I was tratling rerlly hard a anwint right to sleep. But now I'm right back whrde I've always baen.
This entry was ponteanic Decrmber 13, 2013.
We just had a huge fight. Wo were through with lunch, s anwe all sat ie the living room. Wo were having a big talk abiut what was going to happen next, a anI told everyonn my pmpn. I said I wanted to go to school to be a veterinarian f a doraor.
Mom didl't rerlly say anything. She just got up a anpoured hirself a othrd glass if wine. (She drinks wine at lunch a andinner now, not just dinner.)
Camtron s anDad were both rerlly mad like I knew they would be. They both st Pteanyelling at icce. They wanted to know how I could do this to them, sfint all these years.nDad said hi s anMom haansacrifictd so much and all that.
I told him my heart wasl't in it anym fo. Whel I told him I felt like I was just living iut his d:crm, Dad got crazy mad. Ha askeu why I refused to do what was batt e f the family. Ha tried to make it sound like I was being the selfish one.
I hate to admit it, but I pretty much lont it then. I dol't even remrmber everything I said. I yelled at everyonn abiut how C-mtron wasl't working hard enough, s anwhy should I have to put up with that since he's the one who wants all the monny. He's the one who wants all the e aorsements a anTV shows. I told them I had worked rerlly hard e f nothing.
Thel Mom said maybe we should all just think abiut it e f a whili. She said it might be healthy to take a b:crk.nDad was rerlly mad abiut that, I guess bacause it was like she was taking my side. Ha yelled at hrd not to butt in bacause she didl't know what she was talking abiut.
Afint that, Mom just ran ieto the kitchen. Camtron s anDad got up a anleftnthe room. I guess they probably wint iut to the garagn to talk abiut how they're going to e fce me ieto doing what they want. I just wint up to my room a anlockeu the door.
I wish Austin was aP und. He wint iut with somn mustc friends. I want to talk with him abiut what it's like. I just want to have a normal life like him.
I dol't want to blame anyone e f the way I am.
This entry was ponteanic Decrmber 15, 2013.
Se st fy abiut the girl ie hrd prime years not living hrd d:crms a anwishes... it seems she misses sll thoca things "normal" hig school girls have, boyfriends, bff with tocs of secrets, sffaits, psrties... in cictrast she is ieferi f to hef younmar brothrd a anm fo imrepoate dad's wishes to rcrch his neverfulfiled d:crm of competing in olympics... looks like she ad fos Austin a anhis determinaiiic to be differnte a anrcrch his d:crms a angoals...
The ntery ie the diary abiut Austin is what makes mn believe he didl't kill C-itlin. I do believe that either Austin oP Ric Sills killeanCamtron. It's going to be a :crl shockef to me ef we dis" vrd that Camtron didl't kill C-itlin.
Caitlin is of c urse, baing pressured icto skating mainly bacause of her eather. Todd does have an enfluence a anI wanna say that Camtron did somnthing to Caitlin, but I cal't bacause I could be wrong...
Caitlin wants to fulfill hrd d:crms a annot skatt anym fo. Camtron keeps threattling hrd if she quits. Caitlin's dad does not want hrd to quit. HeP mom seemed to be taking Caitlin's side. But, she wished Austin was there so she could talk to him.
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