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YOKNAPATAWPHA COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT

Investigating Officer(s): Det. T. Armstrong, Det. S. Murphy
Incident No.: 001347-02E-2015
Case Description: Barbara Dubois homicide investigation

The following evidence item (# 001347-37) is a partially finished, handwritten draft recovered from a mobile tablet ((# 001347-36) found in the YCCC hotel room of Barbara Dubois during a search conducted on May 2, 2015. Identifying information on the tablet indicates it belongs to Barbara Dubois.

//T. R. Douglas
Forensics Officer
YCSD CSU


Truth of the Heart

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When William Faulkner accepted the Nobel Prize in 1950, he gave a speech in which he talked about his work. Faulkner wanted to create out of the materials of the human spirit, something that didn't exist before. He points out the importance of recognizing the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself. He says we must forget fear and see the universal truths of love, honor, pity, compassion and sacrifice.

Who among us has not known conflicts of the heart? Who among us has not longed to acknowledge the truths of our heart but is afraid to reveal those truths? What makes us so afraid? Is it the opinion of others we fear? The opinions of our parents or other loved ones? The opinions of friends or maybe just acquaintances? Why do we care more about the opinions than what our own heart truly feels?

The great African-American poet, Paul Laurence Dunbar penned a wonderful and now-famous poem called "We Wear the Mask." He is, of course, referring to the African- American experience, but I think these words of this poem refer to many of us who fear to acknowledge the universal truths of the heart. These are his words:

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes-
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

Too many of us wear that mask. Too many of us are afraid to follow our hearts. Too many of us hesitate to do what is right for us and are lead by others. Let us all shed our masks, shed our fears and do what our hearts are telling us is true and right.

I'm going to follow my own advice. I'm giving up living the life another chose for me. I'm going to live my own dreams instead of someone else's. I wish I'd found the courage before this and followed my heart long ago.

I'm no longer going to be a slave to the pageant life of walking, talking -- even living -- as though every moment on stage is the most important one.

I'm going to recover something -- and someone -- of great personal value that I gave up a long time ago to pursue elusive and transitory fame. I am ready to follow the truths of my heart and find that love and happiness I once had.

I say to my close, dear friend who suffers from a dangerous eating disorder, "Embrace truth and freedom by revealing that which you have hidden so you can be whole and well again."

And I ask you, the community, to remember that the beauty that you see means nothing unless it is accompanied by the beauty of the heart and soul it covers.

There is also one other truth I have in my heart that I must make public, no matter how much it hurts someone who has much at stake. That truth is

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People in this conversation

  • This would have been very threatening to Susan, I think. Barbara says she's leaving the pageant circuit and Susan has nothing else in her life, except, perhaps, some secret that Barbara was about to spill.

  • BARBARA'S LOVE FOR THE PAGENT LIFE HAS FADED AWAY...AND I THINK SUSAN IS LIVING HER DREAMS THROUGH HER....AND THUS WILL BE CRUSHED WHEN SHE REVEALS THIS SPEECH...SHE HAS ALOT VESTED IN THIS WORLD SHE HAS CREATED AROUND HER... I THINK BARBARA HAS DISCOVERIED SHE WANTS MORE OUT OF LIFE THEN RECONIGTION FROM OTHERS TO TELL HER "WHO SHE IS" . I THINK SHE HAS SEEN HOW IT ALSO EFFECTS HER FRIEND AND SEES THE EMOTIONAL TOLL IT TAKES.... I THINK SHE IS READY TO EMBRACE THE WORLD AROUND HER AND SEE WHERE IT LEADS HER...

  • Saraminterest, I think you have something in Barbara seeing what this has done to Rachael. Her interview should be good!

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