Sunday, April 6, 2008 - 3:33 PM

 The witness, Buzz Dakota, is a 76-year-old white male.  The interview was conducted at the Yoknapatawpha Sheriff's Department and recorded on a portable tape recorder with the witness's knowledge and consent.

Detective Samantha Murphy

Detective Ted Armstrong

Buzz Dakota

Detective Murphy: Okay, Buzz, it's 3:33.  Can we begin?

Buzz Dakota:  Thank you for waiting.

Detective Murphy:  Please state your name and address for the record.

Buzz Dakota:  My name is Buzz Dakota, no relation to the state.  I am a citizen of planet Earth.  We will be done with this by 4:44, will we not?

Detective Murphy:  I sincerely hope so.  Buzz, how have you been?

Buzz Dakota:  I'm still here, and that's good.  Aliens haven't dragged me off into space yet.  It's the aluminum hat.  They can't find me.

Detective Armstrong:  The department has logged quite a few calls from you lately.

Buzz Dakota:  Yes, sir, just doing my civic duty.  It's harder than it used to be.  The phones keep disappearing.  First the price went up from a dime, and now this.  It's the aliens, trying to disturb our communication grid.

Detective Armstrong:  So what brings you here today, Buzz?

Buzz Dakota:  The aliens are up to something.  I'm sure of it.  Do you have any idea what I saw with my own two eyes?

Detective Armstrong:  I can't imagine.

Buzz Dakota:  A quilt.  With arms!

Detective Murphy:  You mean like a poncho?

Buzz Dakota:  No, a human arm.  The aliens have started using their transporters to create human monsters. Don't you see?  If they flood the world with these horrors, we won't notice when their impersonations aren't perfect.

Detective Murphy:  I wanted to say I'm sorry about your daughter.

Buzz Dakota:  Be happy for her.  She's in a better place, free from alien threat.  I never wanted her to inherit a world no longer under human control.

Detective Murphy:  Are you eating okay, Buzz?

Buzz Dakota: Oxford has been good to me.  There are many, many caring people in this city.  People I'm doing my best to protect.

Detective Armstrong:  Do you have any other family besides your daughter?

Buzz Dakota:  All of you are my family.  The entire human race is my family.  Detectives, believe me when I say that we are in trouble.  The aliens will not simply turn their back on Earth.

Detective Murphy:  Are you still staying in your daughter's house?

Buzz Dakota:  It's fortified.  I can relax there knowing that they can never uncover my location.  Nowhere else is as safe.

Detective Murphy:  Would you like to talk to a doctor?

Buzz Dakota:  They don't know enough about aliens to be helpful.  Scary as it might seem, I'm the alien expert.  The doctors should be coming to me, preparing.  The governor.  The National Guard.  Time is of the essence.

Detective Murphy:  My shift is almost over, if you want to want to talk some more.  Maybe we can grab a bite to eat, discuss the alien invasion.  We've been looking for an expert to help us develop contingency plans.

Buzz Dakota:  I'm not sure.

Detective Armstrong;  I'll come along, too.  Act as chaperone.  That way you won't have to worry about Detective Murphy acting unprofessionally.

Buzz Dakota:  It's not that.  By being seen with me, both of you will become targets.  The aliens know the level of threat I represent to their plans.

Detective Murphy:  We'll be careful.

Detective Armstrong:  Buzz, we're trained to handle ourselves in dangerous situations.

Buzz Dakota:  Maybe.

Detective Murphy: Perhaps we can make you a confidential informant.  After all, you know more than anybody else about the alien menace.  We could maybe throw you a few bucks every week to keep us informed.

Buzz Dakota:  I'm not here for a handout.  I'm here to safeguard the citizens of this fair city.

Detective Murphy:  Understood.  But wouldn't a little money come in helpful?  You could invest in better equipment, repair your hat.  Not that there's anything wrong with your hat right now.  But you never know, something could go wrong.  It's better to be prepared.

Buzz Dakota:  Right.  It's all about the preparation.

Detective Armstrong:  What kind of food do you like, Buzz?

Buzz Dakota:  Macaroni and cheese is fortified with calcium.

Detective Armstrong:  I'm sure we can find somewhere that serves macaroni and cheese.  Maybe that place over by the river.

Detective Murphy:  So what do you say, Buzz?  How about the three of us go out and talk over this whole alien thing.

Buzz Dakota:  You're right.  I might not be around forever, you know.  I really should have an apprentice.

Interview ends:  4:10 PM